Dating Files: A 40-year-old who’s tired of being judged on his ethnicity

For a new series looking at dating in New Zealand, a financial consultant is looking for a woman with a dog.

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Age: 40

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Straight

Ethnicity: South Indian

Religion: Agnostic

Occupation: Financial consultant

My living location is: Auckland

The apps I’m on: Got off Tinder and Bumble a couple of years back. Was soul crushingly tiring.

I’m looking for: Looking for a woman (35-45) to share my life in NZ, who does not want kids. Would like a career oriented person who is positive and passionate about the work they do. Someone who is active, loves the outdoors so that we can go on hikes together. Has thoughts and feelings about anything pop-culture. I love dogs but have never had one myself. A woman with the above attributes plus a dog would be a game changer! :-)

Mostly I’m finding: Most of the events I go to via the “Meetup” app end up having either too young or too old people. I have just not found the right circle or avenues to socially meet people in my age group.

My last serious relationship was: Almost eight years back when I lived in Africa. I met the person on Tinder and the relationship lasted for six months. The relationship ended mutually because both of us felt the initial spark and excitement had evaporated and we could not see us being a couple in the long run.

The worst date I ever had: Not exactly a date but rather a recent speed dating event that I went to, where the organisers had set the age group very wide (40 to 60) and it was a really long couple of hours to get through, where I had to force myself to appear interested in each mini-date when most of the people were at a much different stage in their lives. At the end of the event, I just felt crushed that that I could end up being one of the older people in a few years still looking for connection.

The best date I ever had: I have not been on many dates to be able to point to one.

The most regrettable thing I ever did on a date: The last time I went on a date I think I might have overshared about myself.

The best thing a date ever did for me: I love it when a date listens intently and is being genuinely curious.

The biggest red flag I’ve seen on a date: Can’t immediately think of any but I would find someone who is very materialistic to be a big turn-off.

On a date I usually wear: My favourite combo: White Shirt and Blue denim.

I have sex when: There is mutual trust and it has to be an organic progression to sex. Physical attraction is quite key for me in a relationship.

I wish dating was: I wish there were more events or avenues where one could engage in a longer deeper conversation, where people don’t simply judge me based on my ethnicity but rather have the space to the hear about my travels and life experiences that have shaped me. And vice-versa.

This is what I think about who pays on dates: I would ask the date if she would be comfortable with me footing the bill. If she is particular about paying herself, no stress at all.

Three words that describe my dream date: Wine. Laughs. Leave with a wish that we still had more time at the end of the date.

My dating advice is: Be authentic. Listen deeply. Be courteous . Accept rejection.

Want to be part of Dating in NZ? Fill out the questionnaire here.