Dating Files: Leaving NZ to ‘widen my dating pool’

For a new series looking at dating in New Zealand, a 36-year-old ‘evil bisexual’ realises she has no interest in dating French men.

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Age: 36

Gender: Woman

Sexuality: Evil bisexual

Ethnicity: Pākehā

Religion: Agnostic

Occupation: Media

My living location is: Overseas currently (partly to try to widen my dating pool lol)

The apps I’m on: Hinge, Feeld

I’m looking for: The love of my damn life!

Mostly I’m finding: Troubled men :(

My last serious relationship was: a massive fucking waste of my time.

The worst date I ever had: Have a strict “no French guys” policy after some truly terrible dates with some of the rudest, most self absorbed men I’ve ever met.

The best date I ever had: I once went on a date with an old acquaintance I hadn’t seen in a few years and in the course of our conversation he, I believe correctly, suggested I might have some obsessive tendencies. This has helped me recontextualise a lot of my anxiety and deal with it differently (a lot more effectively!). It didn’t work out romantically but I’m extremely grateful to him for this.

The most regrettable thing I ever did on a date: once I went to a bar in the early days of tinder and mistook some random guy for my date. Weirdly he went along with it but sadly NOT because it was fate, destiny, a meetcute etc, but because he was crazy, which became apparent about two hours later. Also I guess the actual guy just never showed up?! Lol. I ended up pretending to go to the toilet about three hours in and ran away home after he accused me of “staring” at his “seed sack”.

The best thing a date ever did for me: Truly make me laugh (exceedingly rare in all my many years of dating).

The biggest red flag I’ve seen on a date: A guy I went to dinner with the other week told me a long in depth story about how things had never been the same since he fell out with a group of close friends who allegedly betrayed him… 10 years ago! It came across as unbelievably pathetic and juvenile. I don’t know you, why lead with this?

On a date I usually wear: A dress, but not a fancy one. I want to look feminine and like I’ve made an effort, but also like myself.

I have sex when: It feels right. Usually date two, when you want to get to know the person a bit better and check you’re compatible in that way.

I wish dating was: not part of my life any more, to be honest!

This is what I think about who pays on dates: I think it’s polite to go 50/50 but I will never turn down the offer to have my drinks paid for

Three words that describe my dream date: Funny, sexy, kind.

My dating advice is: Even though it would obviously be preferable to not have to engage in the whole dating app rigamarole, if you’re going to do it, try to do so with your humanity intact. Be hopeful, be kind, and remember your manners. Don’t let the cynicism that can come with it all allow you to be a more callous version of yourself and don’t be evasive or deceptive when it comes to what you want from others.

Want to be part of Dating in NZ? Fill out the questionnaire here.