Dating Files: A 33-year-old who’s ‘profoundly aware of my biological clock’
‘If a man can’t confidently pick up dinner on the first date, he is definitely not picking up any emotional labour or future childcare.’
Want to be part of Dating Files? Fill out the questionnaire here.
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Sexuality: Heterosexual
Ethnicity: Pākehā
Religion: Non-religious
Occupation: Account manager
My living location is: Wellington
The apps I’m on: Hinge
I’m looking for: Someone in their 30s who is kind, caring, driven and a bit of a hopeless romantic as I am absolutely a lover girl myself!
Also ideally tall (I am 5’10).
I also want children in the future, profoundly aware of my biological clock. Therefore this is a major consideration when exploring a potential match. I understand I am picky!
Mostly I’m finding: Mixed bag – have had lovely dates but not connected on a chemistry level, had some shockers too.
A fair bit of ghosting too – why do guys match, start a conversation and disappear when I reply back normally once?? The audacity of some men.
My last serious relationship was: About five months ago and was a couple years. He was completely my type physically, but not emotionally. I tend to get into relationships quickly, therefore am now being a bit more mindful as to who I let into my life. I have come to the realisation that I have built a great life, a great career and wonderful family and friends. I love wholeheartedly and if I decide to share this little life with a person they need to do the same.
The worst date I ever had: Second date in with a guy I met on hinge, we went back to his house. My first mistake, in fairness he seemed normal. I was clear at many points that I do not dive into anything physical quickly and tend to wait until we’re in a relationship. He accepted that.
Anyway, arrived into his bachelor pad rental (dark, dirty, dank Welly house). He kept trying it on with me, saying he wanted to be exclusive. I felt uncomfortable, made a excuse bolted outta there. He cancelled our date a few days later, and cancelled another date. So I got the picture.
Also he had big holes in his socks. I am not talking little holes – it was full ventilation. Gross.
The best date I ever had: Recently, coffee and a walk on a sunny day on Te Ara Tupua. Love a deep and meaningful conversation. No “‘whats your fave colour” chats. If anyone asks though – its pink.
The most regrettable thing I ever did on a date: Stay in a date when it was clear it was not for me and they were being disrespectful. I will not do that again.
The best thing a date ever did for me: Just be open and honest.
The biggest red flag I’ve seen on a date: Straight out lying – guys whose photos are from a decade earlier, lying about having kids, their occupation.
Honesty and transparency are so key.
On a date I usually wear: Usually for a first date I do not waste my weekends, so it is post work over a drink (easy excuse to leave when you’re not locked in for a meal!) So my corporate get-up.
I have sex when: I need to feel super safe and comfortable with the person. So in a relationship – I am too self conscious to be casual. But props to those girls who can!
I wish dating was: Not as online as it has become. I do miss meeting people out in the wild.
This is what I think about who pays on dates: When it comes to who should pay on dates, if you invited me out, you can handle the bill. This is about intent: show me you are actually invested and not just here for the vibes and the shared fries.
If a man can’t confidently pick up dinner on the first date, he is definitely not picking up any emotional labour, future childcare, or the existential weight of my 30s dating trauma.
Three words that describe my dream date: Intentional. Chaotic. Tall.
My dating advice is: My current philosophy : have fun, don’t settle, don’t mother grown men, and if he’s not adding joy, he’s subtraction. Being single is never a worst case scenario, being with a guy who is “still figuring out” his relationship type at 38 is.
Want to be part of Dating in NZ? Fill out the questionnaire here.