Why I’ve broken up with Trade Me

After a fruitful relationship spanning over two decades, Trade Me and I have drifted apart.

It was over two decades ago that I entered into what would become one of the most enduring relationships of my life. After using my Mum’s Trade Me account in the early 2000s to resell hot pink Supre shopping bags at an exorbitant mark-up, I signed up for my own account in December, 2004. My first sale? A brand new American Pie 2 DVD for $10.50 (“Very funny movie. I won it but I already own it so it isn’t any use to me.”). My first piece of feedback arrived soon after. “DVD arrived as described, packaged well. Would recommend to any trader. A+”

As someone who thrives on words of affirmation, the thrill of receiving Trade Me feedback quickly became an addiction. The gateway drug “A+ would trade again” soon got me hooked on the harder shit that looked more like a frenzied Fibonacci sequence of A’s, plus signs and stars. “Top Trader 10/10 glad I purchased this! A++++” wrote the buyer of my Nokia 3315 with free Paul Frank faceplate. The most potent hit I ever got was “AAAAA++++” from the chuffed buyer of yet another Supre bag (“these bags are excellent for anything… and everything!”).

As the years wore on and the A+++s racked up, Trade Me was by my side for every single significant life milestone. It’s the place where I bought my first laptop, my high school ball dresses, my first car. It’s where my then-boyfriend and I found our first rental, and my now-husband and I found our first home. My cat and my dog came from Trade Me. The chair I am sitting on and the desk I am writing at came from Trade Me. Basically everything apart from my undies and socks came from Trade Me (and I could probably be swayed for the right price).

It’s not just me either – Trade Me has been there for a lot of our shared milestones over the last quarter century. You can look to the headlines during Covid-19 lockdowns, where houseplant prices broke records, someone paid $13,550 to have lunch with Ashley Bloomfield, and half a loaf of Vogel’s sold for $126 because the seller went on a diet of hoarded toilet paper. There’s plenty of political moments preserved for posterity too, be it Jacinda Ardern and David Seymour’s signed “prick” transcript, or the disappearing Luxon nipple artwork.

There’s no denying that Trade Me is as quintessentially New Zealand as a vial of sand from the pink and white terraces, but lately it has felt as if our relationship is changing. What used to feel like a romantic stroll through a treasure trove of local secondhand gems now feels like playing bullrush with a line-up of beefy dropshippers from god knows where. There’s also the Ping of it all. I still don’t know who she is, or what she wants with my cash, but she’s gone from being a flirtatious suggestion to firmly asserting herself as the third person in this marriage.

Perhaps the presence of these interlopers is also why the interactions between buyers and sellers have become much more transactional, and the exuberant feedback of yesteryear has all but vanished (my last A++ was in 2022). No wonder I have found myself seeking refuge in the arms of another, even if everyone has warned me he is toxic. This year, Facebook Marketplace has become my first port of call for secondhand goods, a faster and fee-free way to buy and sell without having to wait for an auction to end (or mistress Ping to release your cash).

Like dating anyone new, you must do your research on every suitor, be sure to share their details with friends, and ideally meet in a public place. There is the element of danger, but there is also a voyeuristic thrill in Marketplace. You get to see fascinating glimmers of people’s private lives, be it picking up drawers from a frazzled woman frying up chicken for tea in a Los Pollos Hermanos apron, or the kindly old man, about to move into a retirement home, staggering out with a box of his wife’s Woman’s Day magazines for $1 (I didn’t dare ask where she was).

To use a Love Island term, Trade Me knows that our heads have been turned by Marketplace. In March, Trade Me announced that it would be scrapping the 7.9% success fee taken from every item sold, instead opting for a service fee on goods over $20 (99c for goods $20.01-$100, $1.99 for sales $100.01-$250 and $4.99 for items over $250). Bank transfers are also a thing of the past now – bow down to the Ping – which also comes with a sneaky additional 2.19% transaction fee for the seller (although it also provides buyer protection up to $5000).

Even if the changes have been hammered home through this emotional James Blunt-themed campaign (“goodbye my items, goodbye my friend”), it remains to be seen whether it will be enough to lure people back to Trade Me from the wild west of Marketplace. It’s a tale as old as time: does one settle for the nice, trustworthy guy who has been there through it all and showers you with praise, or do you keep rolling the dice on the thrilling bad boy who communicates only in thumbs ups, but can pick you up in an hour? Decisions, decisions, Aotearoa.