Nigel Latta’s wife Natalie Flynn on his words that still bring her comfort, and his legacy being honoured

Psychologist and bestselling author Nigel Latta has been honoured with a special in memoriam award at the Aotearoa New Zealand Book Industry Awards, recognising the enduring contribution of his work.

Jenni Mortimer speaks to his widow, psychologist Natalie Flynn, about his legacy, how he’s still counselling her after his death, and why joy is a big ask.

“That beep just reminded me of something that made me feel quite happy,” Flynn says of the sound my phone makes to let her know our call is being recorded.

She explains she’s held on to notes she and Latta wrote to each other; in one of which she writes, “Nigel your computer’s beeping.”

“He wrote back, ‘Ok, you can turn it off, or just shut it down, or hit the mute button on the keyboard, or set it on fire, or post it to someone you don’t like, or drop it in the sea, or...’

“It’s funny that it’s little things like a beep that made me smile, but it reminded me of that silliness that is Nigel Latta.”

Flynn says looking at their notes and texts brings her comfort, or makes her laugh, but they also expose the heartbreak that comes with losing a soulmate.

As she reads a few more, it’s clear their common theme; how much he loved their life together.

“I love you, Natalie Flynn. I love my life. I love that we can go out and do interesting work. I love our messy kids, I love the dogs, I love the fact we have hot water, so many things.”

He signed off that message with a kiss.

“This is who he was.”

The respected clinical psychologist, author, producer, broadcaster, husband and father died on September 30, 2025, aged 58, after being diagnosed with gastric cancer in 2024.

Latta dedicated his life to mental health services, using books and television as a medium to help as many people as possible.

Ten months after his death, Latta was honoured at the Aotearoa New Zealand Book Industry Awards last night with a special in memoriam award.

The author sold more than 250,000 copies of his books since his first was published in 2000. His most popular titles include Politically Incorrect Parenting, Mothers Raising Sons, Fathers Raising Daughters and his most recent, Lessons on Living, which was published on September 30, 2025 – the day he died.

Flynn said he had a rare gift for explaining complex ideas in simple, intelligent terms and deeply respected his readers.

“He had this way of reassuring people that pretty much most of the time things are going to turn out all right – so that’s a real gift.”

Even after his diagnosis, he was never one to get lost in the weeds or catastrophise; instead, he focused on what he could control. Even when delivered the worst possible news.

“When the oncologist said, ‘Nigel, we are stopping treatment, this is it – you are going to die,’ instead of catastrophising, he just simply said, ‘What are my choices right now?’”

The oncologist told him he had two; go to a Hospice, have Flynn by his side and be nursed by staff, or go home where his wife could nurse him.

“And he said, ‘I want Natalie to be by my side’.”

Even in Hospice care, he found strength in simple choices; when they asked him what he wanted to eat each day, he’d simply reply, “What are my choices?”

“In every single moment I take comfort in that I, too, can choose my attitude. If I’m feeling overwhelmed, I just go back to what Nigel used to do – even if it’s just looking at my kid and smiling.

“That’s really comforting knowing that in every moment we do have control over the way we behave.”

Flynn explains that his last book was the one he was proudest of, though he did not get to see the response it received.

“He put more of himself into that book than into any other book, because it is part autobiographical as well as a self-help book.”

When Flynn received news of the award, she says it brought her joy to know he was still being celebrated for helping others.

“He set his compass towards one direction, which is how can I help people and lead people to feel a little bit better,” she explains.

Despite his awards and accolades, including being appointed an Officer of the New Zealand Order of Merit for services to psychology, Flynn says her husband never understood what all the fuss was about.

“He said a number of times: ‘Natalie Flynn, I don’t know why people want to listen to me.’

“He really f***ing did not think he was special and I’m not talking false modesty, he really didn’t get it.

“All he knew was that he loved writing, he wanted to make good telly, he loved people and he loved life, but it used to really surprise him when people actually wanted to listen.”

But people did listen, so much so that the clients she sees as a psychologist still quote Latta’s words to her, citing it as premium advice.

“Many people come to me, and they’re really using his practical tools.

“I’ve even had clients in my room, and I’ll say something, and they’ll reply, ‘Oh, but what Nigel says in the book is ... ’ and I’m like, ‘Hold on, I’m actually sitting here. You’re paying me. I’m your psychologist,’” she explains, with a laugh.

Latta also practised as a psychologist, and Flynn says she wishes more people had got to see him in that role.

“He was a wonderful writer, but equally, his gift really was as a therapist.

“He was a very brave therapist, and he was very brave as a public person. If he believed in something, he was going to say it and be damned if that did anything to his reputation.”

Flynn says the support she’s felt since Latta’s passing has been immense, but if you ask her how she’s doing, the answer changes day by day. Today she says she’s feeling good because she gets to talk about her husband.

“One of my friends told me that grief is a bit like the stock market – things can be on the up, then all of a sudden you crash, but as long as it’s going in the right direction ... ”

Before his death, Latta told his wife that he wanted her to find joy again, but Flynn says “joy is a big ask”.

“But since Nigel passed, I feel like I am more like him, because I don’t have him here to have the back-and-forth dialogue. So sometimes I’ll be thinking, ‘Oh, I don’t know if I am up to taking this particular challenge, but Nigel would have said, ‘Of course you are, Natalie Flynn. What’s the worst that’s going to happen?’

“So I have that dialogue in my head, and it makes me brave – I am being brave, and I do find pockets of joy in my children and my friends and my work."

Flynn says there are always little bits of joy if you look hard enough for them – sometimes they are under rocks, but they’re there.

“Nigel was absolutely adamant that happiness is here for the taking, and we must find it. If we’re alive, it’s our duty to try and find it and embrace it.”

As our call comes to an end, Flynn remembers another text from her husband she found last night and that made her happy.

“I said, ‘Nigel, can you put the potatoes in the oven please?’

“He replied, ‘I’ve got confused and put peas in the oven. In hindsight, potatoes make more sense.’

“That’s who he was. He took the big issues very seriously, and the rest of life was for silliness and happiness.”