Don’t wait until you’re unhappy: your mid-year relationship audit

Saturday, 11 July 2026

Sofie Louise is a trained sex and libido coach who is passionate about supporting women to access more desire, pleasure and radiance in the bedroom.

OPINION: We’re more than halfway through the year. These past six months have flown by, with your New Year’s resolutions probably getting forgotten somewhere along the way (most of us are lucky if they make it to February). That makes now the perfect time to ask yourself: are you actually happy with the current state of your relationship? Or do you want–or maybe even need–things to look different before the year is out?

One of the biggest mistakes I see couples make is waiting too long to deal with problems.

By the time they reach out for support, too much has happened. Too many hurtful things have been said, the same arguments playing out over and over again while resentment builds until they’re no longer fighting about the dishes or sex– they’re actually fighting about things that happened years ago.

Of course, some relationships reach a point where ending them is the healthiest option. But many just needed to have the hard conversations months or years earlier.

We understand the value of taking preventative action in almost every other part of life. We service our cars, go to the dentist every year, and have performance reviews at work. Yet many of us don’t check in on our relationship until it’s flashing warning lights.

That’s where a relationship audit comes in.

What’s a mid-year relationship audit?

This is a structured conversation to help you get a better understanding of what’s working, what's not, and what you’d both like the next six months to look like. It’s not a one-off magic fix, but it can stop little issues quietly growing into relationship-ending ones.

If your partner’s keen (and hopefully they are), carve out 30-60 minutes together. Go for a walk along the beach with a coffee or open a bottle of wine at home, then work through the following simple questions together.

Start with the good stuff

Before you launch into everything that’s got you grinding your teeth at night, spend some time reminding each other why you’re together in the first place. Doing things in this order usually makes the harder conversations feel much safer.

Take turns sharing your answers to the questions, “When did you feel most loved this year?” and “What’s one thing you appreciate about me?”

Even during this part, you might notice yourself feeling defensive or disappointed by your partner’s answer. Try to resist the urge to correct or argue. These questions can be surprisingly difficult if you’re not used to talking this way, so give each other the benefit of the doubt.

Keep it constructive (not critical)

As you move into talking about change, it’s normal to feel nervous or uncertain. Most of us were never taught how to give and receive feedback in ways that bring us closer instead of pushing us apart.

The goal isn’t to list every frustration you’ve had over the past six months. It’s to identify one or two changes that would make the biggest positive difference while keeping all the good stuff in the back of your mind.

As you answer the next two questions, avoid speaking in ways that place blame on your partner. Instead, focus on your own experience, which usually means starting sentences with 'I feel…” or “I’d love it if…”. It can help to remind yourselves that you’re on the same team, not competing against each other.

If you think you can do those things, then each share one answer to the questions, “If we changed one thing over the next six months, what would make the biggest difference to you?” and “What do you wish we did more of?”

Your answers will give you a clearer idea of where to focus your energy for the rest of the year so you both feel more seen, heard, and loved.

Do you need extra help?

If this conversation starts getting heated, it’s okay to hit pause and come back to it later. Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is recognise that neither of you is in the right headspace to keep talking.

If difficult conversations regularly end in arguments, it doesn’t automatically mean your relationship is doomed. More often than not, it simply means you haven’t learned the skills to navigate conflict well yet. A couples counsellor can help you turn those painful conversations into productive ones.

Likewise, if this check-in uncovers issues that feel too big to tackle on your own, getting support sooner rather than later can make all the difference.

The strongest relationships aren’t the ones that never have problems. They’re the ones where both people are willing to notice the little cracks before they become impossible to ignore. A simple conversation now could completely change what your relationship looks like by the time next New Year’s rolls around.

Is something troubling you about your relationship? Bothering you in the boudoir? Or maybe you just want to know, “Is this normal?!” Send your dilemma to Sofie Louise to see if she can offer answers in a future column on Stuff. Remember to include as much detail as possible with your question, and all your details will be kept anonymous.