The five worst cars on the 'Project Global' platform

Monday, 3 February 2020

When DaimlerChrysler and Mitsubishi teamed up to develop a shared platform for global production, the world eagerly anticipated the goodness that would come from the alliance. But the DaimlerChrysler deal collapsed and Mitsubishi and Chrysler went their own ways with the platform, with Mitsubishi making the most of it and Chrysler… well, didn't.

That means for every Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution X or Delica D:5 that the Japanese company produced on the platform, Chrysler just doubled down on the garbage it churned out on it. Here are the five very worst.

Dodge Caliber

To be fair, the Caliber could be had in one very specific good form - that would be the diesel version that was fitted with a 2.0-litre Volkswagen diesel engine (okay, that was back when a VW diesel was a good thing) and a six-speed manual transmission that was a blast to drive, but no-one wanted.

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But otherwise the Caliber was a fairly dismal affair with lots of hard, nasty plastic and utterly appalling build quality (I personally had the roof-lining fall on me while driving one on test!).

There was a small glimmer of hope that we never saw here, however - the SRT version that packed a 213kW turbo engine and a six-speed manual that was apparently an absolute blast to drive…

Project Global didn't spawn a lot of great cars - for every Mitsubishi Lancer Evo X highlight, there was a Jeep Compass, Chrysler Sebring or Dodge Avenger dragging things down again.

Jeep Compass

You would have to wonder who at Jeep sat down one day and thought 'we need a weedy, apologetic Jeep that makes even a Wrangler look like a shining example of interior quality and also weirdly looks like it has a huge dent in the rear door.'

Because that's exactly what the Jeep Compass was.

Sorry Jeep, but even the admittedly cool fold down rear speakers in the tailgate (presumably for annoying everyone else at the picnic area/beach/camping ground) couldn't make up for the truly awful build quality, simply nasty interior plastics and weirdly awkward styling of this effort.

While later models would get far better interiors (after Fiat took over), the Compass would remain a fairly average thing until the all-new model debuted in 2017.

The Dodge Caliber was never really sure what it wanted to be. But buyers didn't care - they just stayed away.

Dodge Avenger

Yeah, yeah; cool name (whether you are a fan of old British cars or loud, flashy superhero movies) and it even looked temptingly cool with its mini-muscle car looks - but don't be fooled, the Avenger was as equally awful as anything else on this list.

The muscle car looks hid the fact that it was powered by the same 2.4-litre four-cylinder petrol engine as everything else on this list, driving the front wheels through a four-speed auto. Yep, four. In 2008…

This Jeep Compass is hiding in the grass so you won't see how weird it looks.

Like its stablemates, the Dodge tried to hid its appalling quality behind bling, with the Avenger offering up heated and cooled cupholders, a 'Cool Zone' chiller in the glovebox and a 20GB hard drive infotainment system. But it was still awful…

Chrysler Sebring

The Sebring shared many of the Dodge Avengers gimmicks, but added even worse build quality to the mix. Yes, really.

Looking at it, you wanted to like the Avenger, but things just got worse as you got closer.

'We made a mistake with the Compass! Just make this one squarer and they won't notice...'

You can't see it, but those shiny wheels were plastic covers over unpainted alloy wheels. For some reason.

On the New Zealand launch myself and another journalist entertained ourselves with a rousing game of 'can my finger fit in this panel gap?' both inside and outside the car, with the highlight being a glovebox lid that could take an entire thumb on one side and not even the tip of a pinky on the other…

Then there was the weird styling that desperately tried to make the Sebring look more interesting and stylish than it actually was (it didn't work) and the bizarre creased bonnet, but the final insult was the awful, floppy convertible version that gave new, desperate meaning to 'mid-life crisis'.

Jeep Patriot

Clearly someone realised that a weedy apologetic looking Jeep (see the Jeep Compass above) was a mistake, so a tougher-looking squared-off version would make things right, right?

Wrong. The Patriot looked way better than the Compass, but that was a very low bar to clear and the Patriot still had its own weird proportions, awful build quality and underpowered engine to deal with.

Like the Compass, it improved vastly over time (but never moved beyond 'mediocre'), particularly inside, but unlike the Compass it didn't survive into a second generation, quietly being dropped when the new Compass came out, after an awkward period of speculation where Jeep genuinely considered naming the new vehicle by combining 'Compass' and 'Patriot' into… 'Compatriot'. Thankfully they didn't.