Gender attitudes: Why can't girls study physics and boys play with dolls?

Monday, 9 April 2018

Mikey Brenndorfer​ wishes he could have become a nurse the first time round.

But back then he was 18, one of just two dudes in a class of 150 women at Waikato Polytechnic. He was a fish out of water; it was too much.

'I only made it through one semester,' the youth health nurse says now. 'I had no support, it was too tough.'

Now, he's proudly one of the 4.5 per cent of male nurses in youth health. He often wishes there were more, so they could work together to challenge outdated gender norms that push young men towards certain careers and societal roles.

'I'm often seeing young guys who are experiencing some pretty tough times, and a lot of that has to do with how men are told they can process their emotions - they're not allowed to cry, the only appropriate emotion is anger. That's how we end up with eight men a week committing suicide,' says Brenndorfer, 37.

'The truth is, very few men can live up to this standard of this strong, aggressive male who conquers women with his sexuality, who is able to be powerful and provide financially. This doesn't fit the picture for the majority of men, and ends up being quite restrictive.'

A national survey conducted by the National Council of Women, released on Monday, has found traditional ideas of what people of all genders should do at home and in the workplace are beginning to change - but that damaging stereotypes still exist.

The Gender Attitudes Survey asked 1251 New Zealanders, including 640 men, to answer questions ranging from what household chores were more suited to women to whether boys should be able to play with dolls. It also explored ideas around consent, rape, and gender identity.

While 79 per cent of respondents thought gender equality was a human right, ideas around gender roles were still very entrenched, National Council of Women chief executive Gill Greer said.

Just over half of those surveyed thought boys should be able to play with dolls, for example, while one in five people felt it was more important for a man to be in a position of power.

'If we want boys to grow up caring, tender, being able to empathise and show their emotions, we want them to be able to play with dolls, trucks, whatever they want,' Greer said.

'It shows we have made some real progress in a number of areas, but also that the gender norms of the past are still with us and impact very much on our behaviour. In some ways it seems that changing the stereotypes for men has been harder than changing some of the norms for women.'

Gender equality had not been achieved, as shown by the disproportionate number of women experiencing intimate partner violence, the gender pay gap, and women in leadership roles, Greer said.

'We wanted to look at some of the attitudes towards gender roles, and the damage they're doing in so many ways across the population.'

GENDER ROLES - GIRLY SUBJECTS AND THE DOMAIN OF BOYS

The majority of respondents felt all genders should be responsible for household chores, including childcare.

But within the home, some chores were considered more masculine - for example mowing the lawns and putting the rubbish out was more commonly thought to be strictly men's work, compared to cleaning the bathroom and cooking meals, which were considered more feminine tasks.

Most people felt academic choices should not be restricted by gender. But fashion and food technology were still considered more girly subjects, while physics and physical education were more the domain of boys.

This funnelled through to the workplace, where building, farming and politics were felt to be more suited to men, while nursing, hairdressing, cleaning and social work were more womanly pursuits.

The survey also found rape myths were still commonplace. False rape complaints are rare, making up around 8 per cent of sexual violence cases reported to police - but only a quarter of respondents thought this.

Twenty-four per cent of people thought rape happened when a man's sex drive was out of control, while 15 per cent said that if someone was raped while drunk they were partly responsible.

Knowledge about gender diversity was middling, with one in five people aware of the term 'non-binary gender' - that is, a gender identity that is not traditionally male or female. It also reflected a lack of acceptance of LGBQ+, with more respondents saying they would be comfortable having a heterosexual teammate, doctor, or prime minister.

'STOP PUTTING GIRLS IN PINK AND BOYS IN BLUE'

Sociologist and criminologist Dr Michael Roguski​ says restrictive gender norms, beginning in childhood, lead to worse outcomes for everyone.

'Hypermasculinity, and these distorted ideas around masculinity are an underlying problem in New Zealand,' Roguski said. 'It's at the root of much of the work I do around family violence - these very gendered relationships where men think they have the right to power over women, and women have internalised they idea they have to be subservient.

'We need to open the door to this conversation about masculinity and what it means. My first wish would be that we stop putting girls in pink and boys in blue - even at a simple level, that's a real challenge for us. It seems like a small thing, but these are bits of a puzzle that together create a kaleidoscope of distorted masculinity.'

In Gisborne, Tauawhi Men's Centre co-ordinator Tim Marshall said the culture of 'being a man' often made it difficult for men to seek help.

'The idea of masculine and feminine qualities is ridiculous. Men should be able to show emotion, be vulnerable and all that sort of stuff as men without having to stop being a man to do it. But we don't reach out, we don't look after our physical or mental health we just keep doing it until we can't anymore.

'You know that whole 'Girls can do anything' thing, well ironically men can't do everything. If men start to do things that women traditionally have done then people think you're less of a man,' Marshall said.

'Actually, people can do anything.'