Aotearoa in 20: Rue-Jade Morgan's Māori culture carried him out of a childhood surrounded by gangs to a life of helping others
Thursday, 3 September 2020
From a hideously violent childhood to an ‘inevitable’ jail term as a teenager, the trajectory of Kai Tahu man Rue-Jade Morgan’s life seemed set until he embraced his Māori culture and turned his life around. He shares his story for ‘Aotearoa in 20’, a Stuff special project.
I have forgiven my mum. Those memories of her lying there black and blue, bleeding, a pulp - that is why she couldn’t protect me. She was an alcoholic, drug addict and a beaten woman.
I was brought up in Dunedin with my little sister and cousins, we were children of the Southern Mongrel Mob. I had an older brother whangaid [adopted] to my grandparents. I didn’t see my dad for 10 years.
I had my own magic beer bottle filled with shandy; four year-olds still get drunk. Women and children were not heard, it was all about the males. Violence was everywhere.
**READ MORE:
* Aotearoa in 20: Making a new life in a friendly city
* Aotearoa in 20: How a steak knife in the eye became a significant life event
**
We had a coffee table and I would gather the tamariki under it with a blanket so they could not see the violence but they could still hear it. So I had them sing nursery rhymes. Our nursery rhymes were advertising jingles. When there was a lull we’d run to the kitchen where it was safer.
We were told to punish ourselves to the adults’ standard so CYFs [Child Youth and Family, now Oranga Tamariki] would not take us away as the adults were not touching us. I was hidden from social workers.
We had to slap ourselves. I didn’t cry, so I was told to do it properly by headbutting the corner of the wall. I blacked out. Someone said ‘f… one of the kids has killed themselves’. They didn’t take me to the doctor or hospital. They stopped the bleeding with newspaper. I felt loved.
The head trauma affected my speech. I was about five.
Mum’s boyfriend made me sit in the corner with the dogs. I had a big collar. I didn’t have a dog bowl I had a green cat bowl. I was not allowed to use my hands to eat. I had to eat like a dog. I had to bark to get attention from the adults. I learnt dog behaviour every noise gets the heart racing. It seemed like months, it may have been weeks.
There was a guy at the window pouring petrol on the windowsills, there was a wrecking crew with baseball bats and cops up the road watching. He was trying to spark the matches but it didn’t work because the rain diluted it. They were trying to drive us out of town.
There was no justice - just us, was how we were brought up.
I did not believe it was safe or good to be Māori. My mother and her siblings were punished for speaking Māori at school. The first instance of family violence was when they brought a note home from school asking my grandfather to punish them for speaking Māori. He told me: ‘be a lawyer, a soldier, for f… sake don’t be a Māori. It’s all about providing food to the table’.
We were playing in a phone box and accidentally broke the glass. We scarpered, we didn’t know who to tell or how to fix it. Someone rang the police and said two kids were vandalising the phone booth. I asked the sergeant who attended how I could become a cop. The sergeant snorted at me in derision. He said, ’you’ll never be a cop. We know your family, they’re a bunch of gangsters’. He must have seen my hurt feeling and said ‘besides the police have height restrictions’.
When I was about six, my mum did a robbery and went to jail, so I lived with my grandfather’s sister. There wasn’t much food for me, the adopted cousin, so I was relegated to the smallest plate. When whanau didn’t eat their chicken bones, I’d say I’d throw it out and I’d eat them. I still eat the ends of the bones.
When I was eight my mother decided to escape the Mongrel Mob and took us to Christchurch. She was strong enough to leave.
I still thought the only option open to me was gang life and criminal activity. I was so brainwashed I thought that was the only valid pathway to feed my family.
A white power beat up my bro’s little brother, so we robbed them and stole their drugs.
I found a Browning 9mm pistol in the back of one car. It was owned by another gang.
We got caught on our way to steal from another drug dealer.
My dad came to visit when I was on remand, I was 19. In front of the officers, he asked me if I wanted to be punched over now or later. He thought he was showing love by being hard.
I thought I was going to get 50 years. I thought my life was over. I was sentenced to six years for a series of aggravated robberies.
The main wound to my heart was turning around and seeing my mum sobbing. Because of my family connections, I was looked after in jail. It was a family reunion. The worst part in jail was the inability to provide for family and being apart from family, but the Corrections officers treated me like a human being.
I made a living inside. I bought dope from dealers, cut it up and sold it. It’s all relational, like any business.
I had three years to go and because I was a model inmate I got a transfer from Paparoa to Rolleston prison because they said there was a Māori programme there. When I got there, there was no Māori programme. So we created our own.
Engaging with my culture saved me. The safest place was at the feet of my grandmother, we would go there sometimes and I would listen to the stories of our tribe. That’s what I wanted to return to.
I served four years and had two years supervision. I was 23 when I came out. I count the day I was caught as a blessing.
I was released in 1999. I delivered marae-based cultural programmes for community probation in Christchurch.
I present the Otago Polytechnnic course Te Hokai Manea Tipuna (the glowing footsteps of our ancestors) at the Otago Corrections Facility in Milton. It is based on kaupapa Māori values.
I have two sons 11 and 6. When whanau say they are beautiful my soul sings. It makes me think who the f… could do that violence to children, a soul that never did anything.
I want to see them develop, grow and flourish. I’m going to be there for them to finish sobbing, not relegate them to a corner like a dog or beat the s… out of them because they wanted to say something. If they see how I treat their mothers, they will treat their loved ones that way as well. I have made it a priority to not make violence part of our life. I believe I’m the change I want it to be.
I am not anti-gang, I am anti-crime and anti-creating victims in whatever sense. Look at the historic snapshot of when Māori gangs were created which are completely different to outlaw biker clubs and modern street gangs. My question is do we have the right interpretation of what constitutes a gang in this world of black/brown lives matter?
I’d like to see more funding for more kaupapa Māori centring around personal development such as toolbox or parenting programmes and modernised violence prevention programmes that are able to capture a whole of family strategy, empowering communities to hopefully be more adequately resourced, sustainable and ultimately more resilient.
As told to Esther Ashby-Coventry for ‘Aotearoa in 20’, a Stuff project.
Due to the nature of this story, the reo Māori version is an interpretation of the English text rather than a direct translation. This was used to capture the wairua of Rue-Jade Morgan. From Te Taura Whiri o te reo Māori, the Māori Language Commission.
I tipu ia i roto i te pūranga paru o te tūkino, ka whiua ia ki te whare herehere nōna e tai tonu ana. Ko te āhua rā, e tere atu ana te tangata o Kāi Tahu nei, a Rue-Jade Morgan ki te pōkenekene. Heoi ka rokohia mai tōna ao Māori, ā, ka rerekē tōna ao. Anei tana kōrero kei a ‘Aotearoa in 20’.
Kua kore au e whakamau ki taku māmā. Ka hoki ngā mahara ki ērā wā e takoto ana ia, kua marū katoa, kua pēpē hoki tana tinana – koinā tonu kāore i taea ahau te tiaki e ia. He porohaurangi, he kai pūroi, he wahine mōkai.
I tipu ake mātou ko ōku tuāhine, me ō mātou uri hoki i Ōtepoti. He tamariki mātou nō te Māpu Mangaru ki te Tonga. Kotahi tōku tuakana, he mea whāngai ki ō mātou kaumātua. Kīhai au i tūtaki ki tōku matua mō te 10 tau.
I a au anō taku pounamu tūmatarau, kī tonu i te piarēmana; e whā noa iho te pakeke, ka haurangi tonu. Kāore i rangona te hunga wahine me ngā tamariki, nō te tāne anake te ao. He ao tūkino puta noa.
He tēpu kawhe tā mātou, ā, ka huia e au ngā tamariki ki raro i te tēpu, ā, ka ūhia atu ki te paraikete, kia ngaro atu ngā mahi tūkino i te tirohanga, ahakoa anō e rongo atu ana te taringa. Nō konā taku āki kia waiata rātou i ngā ruri pakiwaitara. Ko ngā waiata nei he ruri pānui hoko. Ka tau haere te puehu, kua oma ake mātou ki te kīhini i haumaru ake rā.
Ka kīia mai mātou kia pērā tā mātou patupatu i a mātou anō i tā te pakeke i pai ai kia kore ai mātou e kāhakina atu e CYFs (ināianei ko Oranga Tamariki), i te kore e pākia e ngā pākeke. Ahau nei, he mea huna i ngā kaimahi.
Me papaki mātou i a mātou anō. Kāore au i tangi, ā, i kīia mai au kia tika taku mahi, ka whakahaungia kia tukirae atu taku ūpoko ki te kokonga o te pakitara. Ka weto taku rama. Kua kī ake tētahi, ‘pōkokohua, kua whakamate tētahi o ngā tamariki i a ia anō’. Kāore au i taria ki te tākuta, ki te hōhipera rānei. Nā rātou te toto i puru atu ki te niupepa. I rongo au i te aroha.
Nā taua pōrewarewatanga, ka hauā taku whakahua kōrero. E rima anō ōku tau.
Nā te tāne a Māmā au i whakanoho ki te kokonga pēnei i te kurī. He meka kakī tōku. Kāore au i whiwhi ipu kurī, engari ka homai he ipu ngeru kākāriki. Kāore i whakaaengia kia toro aku ringa ki te kai. Me kai anō nei he kurī. Me pahu atu e rongo mai ai ngā pākeke. Ka ako au i ngā whanonga o te kurī, ā, ka pātukituki te tārāuma i ngā hoihoitanga. Anō nei he rite ki te hia marama nei te roa, ki te hia wiki kē nei pea.
Tērā tētahi tangata i putu penehīni ki runga i ngā pae matapihi, ka puta mai te māpu orotā e mau patu poipapa ana, me te mātaki mai a ngā pirihimana i runga atu i te rori. E ngana ana ia ki te tahu i te māti, engari kāore i whai hua i te waimehatanga i te ua. E whakamātau ana rātou ki te tautute i a mātou.
Kāore he tika i taua wā – ko mātou anake, ko tērā tō mātou tipuranga.
Kāore i whakapono atu ka noho haumaru au, ka pai rānei au i te noho hei Māori. Ko taku māmā me ōna tatao, me ōna hāmua tērā i hauhaungia i te kura mō te kōrero Māori. Ko te tūkino tuatahi i puta mai i tō rātou hokinga mai ki te kāinga me te reta i te kura e aki ana i taku koroua kia patua rātou mō te kōrero Māori. I mea mai ia: ‘e tū hei rōia, hei hōia rānei, engari kaua rawa koe e tū mai hei kaihamuti Māori. Mā te mahi e whiwhi ai koe i te taro’.
E haututū ana māua i tētahi pouaka waea, ā, ka pokerehū te pakaru o te wini i a māua. Ka horo atu māua, he kore nō māua i mōhio me whāki ki a wai, me pēhea rānei te whakatika i te wini. Nā tētahi i waea ngā pirihimana me te whāki atu e rua ngā tamariki e tūkino ana i te pouaka waea. Ka ui atu au ki te haihana i tonoa mai, me pēhea hoki taku tū hei pirihimana. Ka horu mai te haihana i runga i te whakahāwea. Ka kī mai ia, ‘e kore rawa koe e tū hei pirihimana. E mōhio ana mātou ki tō whānau, he māpu taihara rātou’. Ēkene i kite ia i tōku pāmamae, ka kī mai ai, ‘otirā he tikanga aukati tā ngā pirihimana i te hunga poto’.
E ono ōku tau, ka mauheretia atu taku whāea mō te whānako, ā, ka noho au i te taha o te tuahine o taku koroua. Kāore i nui te kai māku, mā te whāngai, ā, ka homai ki a au te pereti iti katoa. Ka kore ana e pau i ētahi o te whānau ā rātou poroiwi heihei, kua mea atu ka whiua e au, engari ka pau atu i a au. Ā mohoa noa nei, e kai tonu ana au i ngā pito poroiwi.
E waru ōku tau, ka whakatau taku whāea kia rere atu i ngā matihao o te Māpu Mangaru, ka tau rawa atu ki Ōtautahi. Kua pakari ia ki te mawehe atu.
I mahara iho au ko te ao kēnge, ko te mahi taihara anake te ao mōku. He pēra rawa taku wairangitia, ka mahara au koinei anake te huarahi tika ki te whāngai i tōku whānau.
I te karawhiutanga a tētahi mā kaha i te taina o taku hoa, nō reira ka murua e mātou ā rātou taonga, ka whānakotia hoki ngā pūroi.
I muri i te motuka, ka kitea e au te pū Paraone 9 mirimita. Nā kēnge kē.
Ka mau anō mātou i te haerenga atu ki te whānako mai i tētahi atu kaihoko pūroi.
Ka toro mai taku pāpā, i a au i te whare herehere, 19 tōku pakeke. I mua tonu i ngā pirihimana, ka pātai mai ia mēnā me kuru ahau e ia i taua wā tonu rānei, i muri kē rānei. I pōhēhē au i te whakaatu ia i tōna aroha mai mā te whakauka.
I pōhēhē au ka mauheretia au mō te 50 tau. Ka mahara, kua mutu tōku ao. Ka mauheretia ahau mō te ono tau mō ētahi whānako rupe.
Ko te kōheri nui i pā ki taku manawa i taku huri atu me te kite i taku whāea e hotuhotu ana. Nā taku whakapapa au i manaakihia ai i roto i te whare herehere. Anō nei he hui ā-whānau. Ko te mea tino kino, ko te kore i taea o taku whānau te manaaki, me te noho momotu i a rātou. Heoi, nā ngā āpiha o Ara Poutama au i manaaki pēnei i te tangata tonu.
Ka whai oranga au i roto i te whare herehere. Ka hoko pūroi au, ka wāwāhia, ka hokona atu. He mahi tūhonohono, me te mea nei he mahi pakihi.
E toru tau e toe ana i te whare herehere, ka hūnukuhia ahau mai i te whare herehere o Paparoa ki tō Rolleston nā te mea i kī mai rātou he hōtaka Māori i reira. I taku taenga atu ki reira, kāore he hōtaka Māori i reira, nō reira ka hangaia mai e mātou tētahi.
Nā taku pā ki taku ahurea i ora ai au. Ko tōku wāhi haumaru i mua, ko ngā rekereke o taku kuia, he wā kua puta mātou ki te whakarongo ki a ia me ngā kōrero a tō mātou iwi. Ko taku hiahia kia hoki atu ki tērā āhua.
E whā ngā tau ōku i te whare herehere, e rua tau ka āta tirohia ahau. E 23 tau tōku pakeke i te putanga i te whare herehere. He waimarietanga nui mōku te rā i mauheretia rā ahau.
I te tau 1999 ka tukuna ahau. Ka tuku kōrero ahau ki ngā hōtaka marae mō te hapori kua puta i te whare herehere i Ōtautahi. Ko tāku mahi he hora atu i te hōtaka ako a te Kuratini o Ōtākou e kīia nei ko Te Hōkai Manea Tīpuna ki te Puni Whakatika o Ōtākou i Tokoiti. E pūtake mai ana ōna uara i ngā kaupapa Māori.
E rua āku tama, 11 ngā tau o tētahi, e ono ngā tau o tētahi. Ka kī mai ana tētahi o te whānau he ātaahua rāua, ka tangi taku manawa. Ka toko ake te whakaaro, ko wai te kaihamuti ka pērā rawa te taihara ki te tamaiti, ki te hunga harakore.
Ko taku hiahia kia whanake, kia tipu, kia pakari rāua. Hei reira au mō rāua kia mutu te maringi o ō rāua roimata, kaua hei whakataurekareka i a rāua ki te kokonga me he kurī me te hauhau i a rāua mō te hemo tonu atu i te mea i hiahia rāua ki te kōrero.
Mēnā ka kite rātou i taku mahi atu ki ō rāua māmā, ka pērā hoki rāua ki ā rāua makau. Ko taku whāinga mātāmua tērā, kia kaua te mahi tūkino e whai wāhi ki tō mātou ao. E whakapono ana au ko au tonu te huarahi atu ki tāku e whai nei.
Ehara au i te tangata whakahē kēnge, he tangata e aweke ana ki te taihara, ki te huri hoki i te tangata hei ika ahakoa pēhea. Tēnā, tirohia te wā i hangaia mai rā ngā kēnge Māori nei, i tino rerekē rawa atu i ngā karapu eke motupaika me ngā kēnge o mohoa. Ko taku pātai, kei te mārama rānei ki a tātou tēnei mea, te kēnge i roto i te wairua whakaaro o te whai mana taurite mō ngā mangumangu me ngā kiri parauri o te ao?
E hiahia ana au kia nui ake ngā pūtea mō ngā kaupapa Māori e hāngai ana ki te whanaketanga ā-whaiaro, pēnei i ngā hōtaka mātua me ngā hōtaka e hou ana mō te ārai taihara hei rautaki mā te whānau katoa, me te whakamana anō i ngā hapori kia maha ake ngā rauemi e tukuna ana ki a rātou, kia mauroa, otirā kia pakari ake hoki rātou.
He mea tuku ēnei kōrero ki a Esther Ashby Coventry mō te tūmahi a Stuff, a ‘Aotearoa in 20’.