Aotearoa in 20: Solo mum keeps tamariki close in marae-style home

Thursday, 3 September 2020

A solo mum-of-four on a low income has found her own way of getting by while keeping her tamariki close. Lynette MacDonald​ shares her story for Aotearoa in 20, a Stuff special project.

Kua kitea e tētahi māmā takakau te huarahi ki te ora mōna me āna tamariki. Ka whāki mai a Lynette MacDonald i āna kōrero mō Aotearoa in 20, he tūmahi motuhake nā Stuff.

I built a home with few internal walls. My children needed to be close to their mum.

Nāku tonu tōku whare i hanga. He tokoiti noa ngā pakitara ō roto, e tata ai āku tamariki ki tō rātou māmā.

As a solo mum-of-four, I worked out it was cheaper and easier to get a mortgage and build a home in Rolleston, than it was to rent in Christchurch city.

I taku noho hei māmā takakau mō āku tamariki tokowhā, ka kitea e au he iti iho te utu o te hoko mōkete me te whakatū whare ki Rolleston, tēnā i te rēti whare ki te pokapū o Ōtautahi.

It was hard to get here. I’m definitely low income, but I was lucky to have whānau in the professional world who helped me get a mortgage to build my house four years ago.

He uaua e tae mai ki konei. Āe mārika ko au tētahi kei te pae utu iti rawa, engari nōku te waimarie he whanaunga ōku kei te āo ngaio, nā rātou au i āwhina ki te whakatū i tōku whare e whā tau ki mua.

We have a budget and there’s no fat. I reckon I’ve probably paid half as much as the neighbours to build. I did it the Māori way.

He tahua tā mātou, engari kei runga mātou i te taringa o te kiore i tēnei wā. I tāku whakatau atu, haurua te iti iho o taku whakatū i tōku whare tēnā i ōku kiritata. I tutuki i runga i te āhuatanga Māori.

**READ MORE:

* Aotearoa in 20: How a steak knife in the eye became a significant life event

* Aotearoa in 20: Breaking down barriers as a single mum

* Aotearoa in 20: Picked on woman pushes past stigmatism and slurs to shine

**

I have some – some would say – radical views.

Kei whakaaro mai ētahi – he tirohanga rerekē āku.

The house was built as two large rooms, one for eating, the wharenui, and one for sleeping, the wharemoe. For me, it was very important. Even at the time I probably didn’t know it was based around marae-style. It was just where my heart was, and what my children needed at the time.

I hangaia te whare kia rua ōna taiwhanga, tētahi mō te kai, tētahi mō te wharenui, arā, hei wharemoe. Mōku ake, he tino 3 whakahirahira tēnei, me taku kore whakaaro, he rite te āhua ki te marae. Nā te ngakau hihiko o āku tamariki i pērā ai.

I’m still building in stages, with help from friends, usually using recycled and leftover materials. The deck is made from old pallet wood, and the kitchen is a patchwork of different leftover tiles. I love it. Most of my furniture is second-hand, mainly from op shops.

E āta waihanga ana au i ngā wāhanga o te whare, ā, kei te āwhina mai aku hoa, me te whakamahi i ngā rauemi hangarua, toenga rāpihi nei. Ko te kaiāwhā he mea hanga i ngā pareti tawhito. Ka mau te wehi. Ko te nuinga o aku taputapu nō te whare hokohoko.

People loved staying, when we would roll out more mattresses in the wharemoe. I told them, I guarantee you this style will become quite popular. Many mums have co-sleeping children, but social pressures and traditional house layouts make it hard.

Tau ana te noho mai a te manuhiri, ā, ka mea kua horaina atu ngā takapau i te wharemoe mō rātou. Ka mea atu au, tāria te wā ka rongonui tēnei momo noho. He nui ngā māmā ka whakamoe i ngā tamariki ki te wāhi kotahi, heoi nā ngā tukituki o te ao me ngā whakatakotoranga whare o te wāhanga auraki ka uaua rawa.

We had a corner each, then Dad put up half-wall partitions. As the children grew and wanted rooms, we put in internal walls. They don’t need me around so much any more. The kids have the bedrooms, and I’ve kept my spot in the wharemoe.

He kokonga tō tēnā, tō tēnā, kātahi anō ka hangaa e pāpā ngā pakitara haurua. Ka pakeke haere ngā tamariki, kua pīrangi i ō rātou ake rūma, ā, ka whakatū pakitara whānui. Kua kore he take o te āta tiro i a rātou i ngā wā katoa. Nā whai anō kua whai rūma ngā tamariki, ā, kua whakawātea anō te wharemoe mōku.

My Mum and Dad taught me about putting whānau first, and having unconditional love for children. We always knew we were number one growing up.

I poua e Māmā rāua ko Pāpā ki roto ki a au, ko te whānau tuatahi, me te aroha puta noa ki te tamariki. Ka pakeke ana, ka mōhiotia ko mātou te tino taonga a ō mātou mātua.

Then when I had children, they became my world.

Whānau rawa āku tamariki, ka noho ko rātou tōku ao.

I was born in Westport, and grew up in Methven with four sisters. My parents were working class, with Dad working in forestry. We travelled regularly back to connect with Dad’s whānau in Nelson. I just didn’t know the history of our whakapapa.

I whānau au i Kawatiri, ka whakatipuhia mātou ko aku tuāhine tokowhā ki Methven. I reira aku mātua e mahi ana, ko taku matua i roto i te ahumahi ngahere. He rite tonu te wā, hokihoki haere ai mātou ki Whakatū, kia hono atu anō ki te whānau o Pāpā. Engari kīhai au i mātau ki te hītori o tōku whakapapa.

That was the stuff we had to go out and find ourselves.

Ko ērā ngā mea ka mate ko mātou ki te kimi.

I’m fortunate to be connected to Te Tauihu o te waka-a-Māui through my grandparents, who between them, whakapapa to all nine iwi in Te Waipounamu.

E maringanui ana au i ōku tātai hono ki Te Tauihu o Te Waka a Māui, ara i te taha ki ōku kaumātua, ka whakapapa ki ngā iwi e iwa o Te Waipounamu.

It turns out I whakapapa to Kupe, who is understood to have discovered Aotearoa, but I didn’t even know who he was.

I te āhua nei, he uri au nā Kupe, te tangata e kīia mai nei nānā i tūhura i a Aotearoa, engari tē paku aro atu i a au.

I grew up believing Māori came to Aotearoa at the same time as Pākehā.

I pakeke mai au i te pōhēhē i ōrua mai te taenga a te Māori me te Pākehā ki Aotearoa

Both my grandparents have passed away, so the stories have gone with them. We’re all so busy dealing with the day-to-day, so I made a commitment to research my whakapapa, for my tamariki.

Kua mate noa atu tōku poua rāua ko tōku taua, nā reira ko ngā kōrero hoki i a rāua kua riro. Nā te kaha rawa o te aro ki ngā mahi o ia rā, ka whakaū au ki te rangahau i taku whakapapa mō āku tamariki.

I’ve never worried about money, even when I have had none, because I have whānau.

Kore rawa au e mahara ki te moni, ahakoa e pakaru ana te pūkoro, kei konā te āwhina o te whānau.

I left school at 16, and got work in an accounting office in Ashburton. In those days you could get jobs without having to go to university.

E 16 ōku tau ka mahue atu te kura, ka whai mahi ki te tari kaute i Hakatere. I taua wā, ka whai mahi koe ahakoa anō kāore he tohu whare wānanga.

I married a local boy at 20, and had my first son at 23. We divorced and I carried on trying to work as a solo mum in Christchurch.

E 20 tau tōku pakeke ka moe tāne au nō te kāinga, ā, ka whānau taku tama tuatahi, e 23 ōku tau. Ka mahue māua, ka wehe atu au ki te kimi mahi hei māmā takakau ki Ōtautahi.

It was him and I.

Ka noho ko māua ko taku pēpē anake.

He was in full-time childcare while I worked. Finding a career is so much harder while juggling children, and there is very little support for parents. Particularly mums.

I ngā awatea i tiakina ia e wātea ai au ki te mahi. Tētahi mea uaua tērā te rapu mahi me te whakatipu tamariki, ka mutu, kāore he paku āwhina mā ngā mātua, tae rawa ake ki ngā māmā.

I got married a couple of years later and we had three children. We very much lived a life where we had a culture clash once children came along. I felt societal expectations that I work in order to contribute financially even while the children were young.

E rua tau i muri mai ka mārena au, ā, tokotoru ā māua tamariki. I tino tukituki ā māua tikanga whakaaro ka whānau mai ana ā māua tamariki. I rongo au i te tikanga whakaaro a te ao i tērā wā, me mahi au ahakoa anō e kōhungahunga tonu ana āku tamariki.

Then I found Playcentre, about ten years ago when my youngest children were young. It values the parents, and has a whole culture of its own different to daycare. I started learning about parenting, and te ao Māori.

Kātahi ka tūpono atu au ki a Playcentre, 10 tau ki mua, nō te wā e pēpē tonu ana aku pōtiki. Ko tā rātou he uara i ngā mātua, ā, he rerekē rawa atu te ahurea i ēra i ngā whare tiaki tamariki. Kātahi ka ako au ki tēnei mea te mātua, me te ao Māori.

It was completely what was missing in my life.

Ko tēra te mea e mahue nei i tōku ao.

My husband and I separated, and once again I became a solo mum of four kids.

Ka wehe māua ko taku tāne, ā, ka noho anō au hei māmā takakau mo ngā tamariki tokowhā.

I had very little money, and had to find jobs to fit around them. I worked several part-time jobs until I recently took on a 20-hour a week role facilitating support groups for other single mums.

He iti āku moni, ā, ka mate ki te whai mahi kia kore ai e pōrearea. He maha āku mahi iti, ā nōnātata noa nei ka riro mai he mahi 20 haora i te wiki, hei kaiwhakahaere kāhui māmā takakau.

Many single mums are made to feel like failures for relying on benefits, stuck in a poverty trap.

He huhua ngā māmā ka pēhia, he koretake nō rātou ki te apu penihana, he noho ki te pūranga paru.

But it shouldn’t be hard or degrading. They’re responsible for taking care of children, it’s not their fault they can’t find paid work.

Kāti kia wetekina ngā taumahatanga me ngā whakahāwea. Ko rātou tonu te whare tangata, ehara i a rātou te hē kāore e kitea he mahi.

During the Covid-19 lockdown while teachers were asking me for updates on how my children’s learning was going, I said they were busy helping me coordinate food parcels for others in need.

I te wā o te noho rāhui Mate Korona kua pātai mai ngā māhita, e aha ana ngā mahi ako a ngā tamariki, ka whakautua atu e āwhina ana rātou i aku tuari kōpaki ki te hunga kei raro e putu ana.

It’s important learning for them too.

He mea nui tonu tēnā momo ako.

Even while juggling three jobs, my main focus has always been my children. I applied for about 40 jobs when I first moved to Rolleston, but here, mother hours are very hard to get. I really wish it was easier for parents to stay home with their children.

I a au e huri ana i aku mahi e toru, ko āku tamariki kei te kūrae o mahara i ngā wā katoa. Nō te hūnuku atu ki Rolleston, kō atu i te 40 te rahi o ngā mahi i tonoa e au engari he uaua te whai haora ki konei, mō te hunga māmā. Ko tērā taku tino wawata, kia whai wā ake ngā mātua, rātou ko ngā tamariki, ki te nohotahi ki te kāinga.

I now work 20 hours a week from home, so I am here when the kids come home hungry after school.

Iāianei e 20 haora ka mahi au i te wiki mai i te kāinga, nā reira kei konā au e tiaki ana ki te whāngai i aku tamariki ka tae mai ana i te kura.

It’s all about the kai. They are always starving.

Ko te kai te mea nui. E matekai ana i ngā wā katoa.

We are left-brainers in this house, so we set the alarm for 7am, and have a strict routine before one kid leaves for school at 8.25am, the next at 8.30, and the youngest stays until last minute, at 8.45am.

A tēnei whare, ka whakamahi i te rongomaitaharangi o te hinengaro. Nā reira ka tangi te tūtei i te 7 karaka i te ata, he ōkawa ngā ture whakahaere. Ka wehe tētahi ki te kura i te 8.25 karaka, ko 9 tētahi i te 8.30 karaka, me te mea whakamutunga i te 8.45 karaka i te ata.

I make an effort to take the dog for a walk each morning, to keep moving – I’m now 46 years old, with a 24-year-old son who has moved out of home, and three younger children - a daughter 14, and sons 13 and 11.

I ia ata, kua oraora ki te hikoi i te kurī, otirā me oreore ka tika – e 46 tau tōku pakeke, kotahi taku tama kua rere atu, 24 ōna tau, rātou ko – taku tamāhine, e 14 tau, ko aku tama, e 13 tau te pakeke o tētahi, 11 tau te pakeke o tētahi atu.

We are home bodies.

He noho kāinga te tino mahi.

I love Christchurch, but it can be racist. I see it in my work every day. Our systems prioritise Pākehā values over Māori ones. In the words of Taika Waititi, it’s racist as f….

E aroha nui ana au ki a Ōtautahi, engari he kaikiri tōna mate. Ia rā i taku mahi ka kitea e au. Ka whakatuanui te uara Pākehā, ka whakaparahakotia ngā tikanga Māori. Ki tā Taika Waititi e mea nā, kātahi te motu kaikiri rawa atu….

I’m not really a proud person, but I’m a grateful person. I’m grateful to have a warm, dry, happy home with my children. We always fall on our feet. As long as my children are fed and happy.

Ehara au i te tangata whakahīhī, engari ka whakawhetai nei mō ngā hōmaitanga ki a au, pēnei i te noho mahana, i te noho maroke, ki te taurikura o āku tamariki. Ka hinga ana tētahi o mātou, ka hinga whakamua tonu. Ko te mea nui ko te noho mākona o āku tamariki.

As told to Jody O’Callaghan for ‘Aotearoa in 20’, a Stuff project.

He mea kōrero mai ki a Jody O’Callaghan mō ‘Aotearoa in 20’, te tūmahi a Stuff.

* Translation provided by Te Taura Whiri i te Reo Māori/Māori Language Commission.