Verity Johnson: It's easy to laugh at Britain's decline, but be careful what you wish for

Monday, 24 October 2022

Verity Johnson is an Auckland-based writer and business owner.

OPINION: Until last week, I thought it was just the Australians who discarded their leaders like supermarket pantyhose. But oh no.

This week all eyes have been on Britain’s laddered tights of democracy.

I know because, like any English person living in NZ, I’ve been getting concerned messages about it. (Well, ex-English – I moved here as a teenager and now count NZ home.)

What’s going on with Liz Truss? Is Boris Johnson coming back!? Didn’t you just break up with him? And why are you dumping your prime ministers like stroppy Love Island contestants?

**READ MORE:

Liz Truss’ demise, after little more than six weeks as prime minister, has made British politics a laughing stock.

* Boris Johnson rules out run to be UK prime minister again

* Who is Rishi Sunak? What to know about the UK prime minister favourite

It’s not just the idea of reheating Boris Johnson like 5-day-old noodles that makes everyone queasy, writes Verity Johnson.

* Boris Johnson reportedly 'up for it' as comeback momentum grows

Truss lasted 45 days, which is the shortest period of time a British prime ministers has ever held office. I’ve had pedicures last longer, but perhaps with fewer geopolitical implications.

Johnson’s departure from the race to succeed Truss cleared the way for former Chancellor of the Exchequer Rishi Sunak to become prime minister.

Truss came to power by usurping Johnson, and subsequently tried to perform the economic equivalent of open-heart surgery with a rusty garden trowel, using a procedure she self-learnt from YouTube. The country flatlined, she resigned, Johnson flirted with a comeback.

But it’s not just the idea of reheating Johnson like 5-day-old noodles that makes everyone queasy.

Over the past decade the UK has lurched from desperate austerity, to poor economic recovery, to blaming immigrants for everything, to blaming the EU for everything, to divorcing the EU with the kind of breathtakingly British bloody-minded illogic of, “well, this is an absolutely terrible idea that will ruin me financially, but I’ve started this so I’ll finish it …”.

Verity Johnson: “The best advice I ever got for climbing out this particular washing machine was to remember you’re not alone.”

Before Truss, everyone still thought they’d turn it around. There was a plan, right? Right? Nope. The reason this last week was so captivating is it’s suddenly obvious there is no plan.

The country isn’t just in decline, it's convulsing on the operating table while the ominous soundtrack starts up. And no-one has any idea what to do next.

What’s fascinating, though, is how gleeful we are about it. I can hear the spiteful, sugary note of schadenfreude in the “concerned” texts.

I know because I feel it too. The antipodean in me can’t help thinking this serves Britain right. As an ex-colony, not only are we dealing with the poisonous legacy of colonisation, but Britain has been swaggering around the global playground acting like it’s still head prefect when it’s clearly not. So now it, like the other head prefect the USA, is having a major meltdown – and, well, it’s hard to repress a smug shrug.

The downfall of the popular kids. How sad.

And yet, the other half of me knows that laughing at their decline isn’t a smart move.

I mean, have you looked around at Western democracy recently? It’s not looking too flash.

Say what you want about the US and UK, but they’ve still got muscle. They’ve got the big money and old power you need when Russia is invading Ukraine, authoritarianism is flexing in Europe, and quaint little cornerstones of democracy like truth are crumbling. So this isn’t a great time to celebrate the fall of the titans of Western democracy.

I mean, we may be busy laughing, but can we do any better? Because my English friends have been texting me all week asking Jacinda to save them.

I’ve written before that our response to Covid made the rest of the world notice us for our leadership. Well, now we have what every wallflower ever wanted. The fall of the popular kids and the rise of the underdog has begun, and we’ve gone from island of obscurity to cover girl for democracy.

So, ah, do we have a plan?