My trans son deserves love and acceptance, like every other kid

Wednesday, 20 October 2021

OPINION: My 10-year-old knew he was a boy before he could say it properly. At three years of age, he would say: “I a boy, I a boy”, insisting on boy's clothes, and keeping his short hair.

Since then, his father and I have navigated being parents of a transgender child and all that means. Many of the challenges are the same: making sure the kid eats vegetables, tidies their room and – most important of all – takes their lunchbox out of their bag at end of term!

But there have been different challenges too. Like hiding mail from the hospital’s endocrinology department advising of his next appointment time because the envelope used his dead name [the name a person had before transitioning] and the wrong pronoun.

The chemist is another challenge where they read the prescription out using the dead name, so we have come up with awkward workarounds to get medicine picked up.

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His school, after-school care, holiday programmes and sports teams have been much better. They quickly adopted his new name and included him without fuss in the football, touch, floorball, cricket, futsal and basketball teams he plays. He is a super sporty kid, so we hope he continues to encounter open hearts and minds like these as he continues to pursue his passions. Every kid deserves that.

Every time his dead name has been used – accidentally or, worse, deliberately – or where he's been misgendered in some way, my son gets hurt and upset. These episodes feel to him like assaults on his dignity because that's what they are. It's a tough thing to see as a parent, when all he's doing is trying to live a life true to who he is.

This is why it is so hard to fathom why there are people who want to take issue with my boy's identity.

But worse, there is a group of so-called “feminists” who have somehow convinced themselves that the identity and existence of transgender people presents a threat to them. How the gender identity of any person is anyone else’s business is hard for me to comprehend.

I have been an active feminist my whole adult life. At university, I studied, and came to embrace, a feminist world view that has informed my choices and shaped my life since. That's why it's so confounding to witness a handful of feminist activists and scholars – some who inspired me personally, others who I fought alongside on issues like paid parental leave or equal pay – now direct their talents and energy in a campaign to shut down trans rights.

To me, it is simple: trans women are women, trans men are men, and non-binary people are non-binary people.

The proposed Births, Deaths, Marriages, and Relationships Registration Bill​ will make it easier for children like my son and other transgender people to have the correct gender marker. This will save lives.

In the future, I have no doubt generations will look back on this law reform and put it in the same category of women getting the vote, homosexual law reform, and same-sex marriage. We will shake our heads at the needless injury we tolerated for so long.

This legislation is a step in the right direction, and I applaud Internal Affairs Minister Jan Tinetti and the principled campaigners at Gender Minorities Aotearoa for taking this important step.

They have faced hateful opposition and personal attacks, but they are on the right side of history.

Fleur Fitzsimons is a Wellington City councillor.