Auckland Covid lockdown stories: Pouring from empty cups

Wednesday, 27 October 2021

Auckland is now one of the world's most locked-down cities. We asked locals to share their experiences.

OPINION: I guess we’d been waiting for the other shoe to drop for a long time.

My mum was constantly saying, 'It’s only a matter of time'.

I silently agreed with her, but was too afraid of what it would mean if I said it aloud.

I was at work when I heard the news: A case had been detected in the community, a press conference loomed in the next few hours.

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Looking back now, my initial reaction seems so naive.

'It’s only one case, we’ll probably be in lockdown but if there’s only one case, it should be pretty quick.'

Seventy days of isolation later, and I think of how much has changed and how much has stagnated.

Last year’s lockdown was much scarier but the goal was clear; this year the goal is murky and keeps shifting and changing.

What will our future look like?

I am tired of not knowing what the goal is any more.

I assure my colleagues that I’m doing my best to stay positive but feel despair and disappointment just below the surface.

I idly chat with my flatmates about the weather (still rainy), if picnics are okay (cautiously yes) or if that one flatmate has been vaccinated (frustratingly, no not yet).

Covid is the main focus of our lives.

I am tired of ruminating on the same circle of discussion every day.

I miss a Friday curry and naan with my mates

I feel very different to the person I was in lockdown last year.

I went through a lot of growth and self-development.

I took the time to take care of myself and my mental health, learned tools that helped me, and since then I’ve become a very strong and vocal advocate for mental health help and support on my social media.

I post helpful resources and useful tips almost daily.

I try to keep my socials as authentic and candid as I can, with both highlights and lowlights.

I’ve been giving myself and others the space they need to reflect on and validate their own feelings, and there’s something very liberating about that.

I’ve had so many people respond (many more than I thought were actually paying attention) and I’m so happy I’ve been able to help in such a difficult time.

I miss making memories and having shared experiences with others.

I’ve connected with people in so many new and wonderful ways, and for that I am so grateful.

But I’ve stopped properly talking to friends.

I don’t know why it’s so much harder to connect with my loved ones than it is with people I don’t know nearly as well online.

Maybe it’s because those conversations are better had in person, with love and hugs and cups of tea.

Maybe it’s because I am tired.

I miss hugs and being physically close to the people I love.

I miss looking out over the viaduct with a cocktail in hand and a good yarn ahead of me, picking out yachts we’d like to own and watching the lights dance over the cool waters of the marina.

I miss a Friday curry and naan with my mates while roasting each other over having a mild curry (again).

I miss the ease of asking, 'What are you up to this week? Keen to do something?'

I miss making memories and having shared experiences with others.

But I think the things I miss the most are actively choosing to spend time by myself, and feeling safe and at ease in a crowd.

I miss not being tired.

I tell people to take time for themselves; that you can’t pour from an empty cup.

I am tired and my cup is almost empty.

Like so many others, I want to be able to fill it again.

I have hope that we will be able to stop pouring from our ever-emptying cups and start getting the refills we so desperately need.

Soon.