Finally, our Prime Minister’s values revealed

Thursday, 6 March 2025

Just go make a Marmite sandwich, said the Prime Minister.

Virginia Fallon is a staff writer and columnist based in Wellington.

OPINION: Look, the Prime Minister has some parenting advice.

What I’m saying to you is that Christopher Luxon wants to make it crystal clear.

And don’t get me wrong, because listen, I’m simply benchmarking the narrative of a big topic and breaking it down.

Fundamentally, it was decisive, result-driven and deliverable. Expectations were indeed met.

On Tuesday, hot on the heels of an interview in which he was widely criticised for replacing actual answers with corporate jargon and word-shaped sounds, Luxon did something remarkable.

Back at the scene of that initial verbal crime, he was speaking about the undeniable train wreck that is his Government’s school lunch programme.

A fish pie school lunch recently served at a Gisborne intermediate school

And despite the multiple complaints about the programme - burnt food, missing food, late deliveries, general slop and the many, many instances where schools have had to fork out for replacement meals - he didn’t mince his words.

“Here’s the deal,” he told Newstalk ZB’s Mike Hosking, ”I mean if you don’t like the lunches, just go make a Marmite sandwich and put an apple in the bag.“

To be fair, he also said that while he’d rather the state not have the responsibility of feeding students, he wasn’t willing to let them go hungry.

But Luxon, for once decisive, then doubled down with a G-bomb.

“There are always going to be people who are unhappy with school lunches and I get that.

“And if you really are unhappy with it, for God’s sake, go make a Marmite sandwich and put an apple in a bag just like you and I had.”

Christopher Luxon faces heated questions in parliament over his 'marmite sandwich' comment about school lunches, as MPs challenge the government's approach to feeding hungry kids.

That, ladies and gentlemen, was straight from the mouth of our Prime Minister.

While the comments were just as unpalatable as the shit our kids are currently being served, they were remarkable for another reason entirely.

Luxon, nearly halfway through his term, has finally let us know who he is.

Last week, following that agonising interview in which he couldn’t give a straight answer about whether he’d have sacked Andrew Bayly as a minister if he didn’t quit, various communications experts weighed in on where the PM is going wrong.

Janet Wilson, a Post columnist and former chief press secretary for the National Party, said that overall, Luxon appeared to memorise talking points - and as a result was struggling to meaningfully engage in conversation.

Christopher Luxon on national lamb day. He wore a tee-shirt over his jacket, and ate lamb.

“He rote learns it to a point where he is nothing but a talking robot and has no flexibility in his thought processes,” she said.

“What we’re not seeing from Luxon is his values.”

Luxon, who said he was “entitled” to a $52k accommodation supplement for living in his own Wellington apartment before quickly changing his tune amidst massive public backlash; who took a selfie at a foodbank last Christmas; who said the “significant decline in educational achievement is a worry that does frankly keep me up at night”.

Luxon, at last, has spoken his truth.

“If you don’t like the lunches, just go make a Marmite sandwich and put an apple in the bag,” he said.

Luxon, who still seems to believe that school lunches are free and not paid for by a country that actually cares about its young folks, has finally shown us his values.

They are as punitive and cruel as they are unreasonable and unrealistic. Mostly, they’re just really bloody mean.

And Luxon, who said “I get it, I’m wealthy” has finally put his money where his mouth is.

“Go make a Marmite sandwich” said our Prime Minister about our children.

“For God’s sake,” he said.