Christchurch woman unable to say goodbye to dying mother in Iran

Wednesday, 18 March 2026

A Christchurch woman has faced an agonising three weeks struggling to speak to her mother, who lay dangerously ill in Iran.

Now, Roshan Adel says her 88-year-old mother has died and she was not able to return home for the funeral.

However, she says she is just one of many Iranians who are suffering. “I know that 80 million others have been held hostage in that country.

She hopes their pain will not be in vain and they will see “a free Iran”. “So many people are going through this difficult time… what is happening is chaos.”

Since war began, contact with her family in Karaj has been intermittent and unreliable. Karaj which is west of the Iranian capital Tehran, has been repeatedly struck by missiles.

Only brief phone calls have been possible during what Adel said has been one of the most difficult times in her life.

Not being able to be with her mother in her final moments had been devastating. “She was my person. You have got your mum that has raised you… and seeing her going like that and I can’t do anything. It’s a powerless feeling.

“I was thinking maybe she’s waiting for something… maybe she’s waiting for me.”

For the last three weeks, Adel has spent each day waiting for a phone call from Iran, hoping to hear her family was safe. Sometimes the calls lasted only a minute. “I can’t even call my family myself. I have to wait for them to contact me.

“It's just the whole day waiting and waiting, expecting the bad news to come and I am not there.”

It remained unclear whether the short calls were due to government restrictions or the high cost of international calls, which she estimated at about $20 a minute, she said.

Even though she was preparing herself, she said the news of her mother’s death came as a shock.

Despite the loss, Adel returned to work the next day, trying to cope by staying busy.

“My boss said… ‘you’re crazy, why are you here? Just go.’

“I can’t. I stay there, If just start thinking and thinking - my life gets miserable.

“I get insane if I stay in a quiet area and start thinking about it and reliving it again.”

She said relatives had described hearing explosions nearby the night her mother died, and even the funeral was affected with few family members able to attend.

“They were bombing everywhere… it was very loud and scary.”

Adel, who has lived in New Zealand for 13 years, said she felt fortunate to be safe — but also a responsibility to speak out about the dangers of the Iranian regime. “If they can kill their own people, what do you expect they will do with you or other people?

“They can’t accept a free country. The ideology, the extremist ideology, is very dangerous.”

She said there was a disconnect between the actions of the regime and the views of many Iranians.

Adel said her friends in Iran “don't have a life” and were scared the Islamic republic would remain in power.

Despite her grief, Adel said many Iranians remained hopeful. “The best day of my life is going to be the day that Iran is free.”