Oprah shines light on Christchurch writer’s book on grief

Sunday, 18 August 2024

Author Dr Lucy Hone’s 12-year-old daughter Abi died in a car crash in 2014 in South Canterbury. The book she wrote on grieving has featured on Oprah Winfrey’s website.

Christchurch writer and academic Lucy Hone has been featured on Oprah Winfrey’s website, 10 years after the psychologist’s daughter was killed in a tragic car crash in South Canterbury.

An excerpt from Hone’s book Resilient Grieving, How to Find Your Way Through Devastating Loss was featured on Oprah Daily, a website curated by television mogul Oprah Winfrey.

The lifestyle website offers tips on how to live your best life, relationship advice, beauty, and wellness.

Hone has a unique set of expertise that qualifies her to coach others through grief; her personal experience shaping her ability to help others through her study of resilience psychology.

Ella Summerfield, left, and Abi Hone, both 12, died alongside Ella's mother Sally when Dutch visitor Johannes Appelman ran a stop sign and crashed into their vehicle near Rakaia.

Her 12-year-old daughter Abi died in a car crash in June 2014, along with friends Ella Summerfield and Ella’s mother Sally Rumble. The driver ran a stop sign in Rakaia.

The descent into grief was brutal for Hone; she described it to Oprah Daily “the first week was a fight for survival, a fight for my sanity and what was left of my diminished family unit”.

During that time, plenty of advice was offered, well-intentioned but often unhelpful. From Hone’s experience of death, Resilient Grieving was born.

Her book teaches that there are no rules in the aftermath of a major loss, but there are ways to move through grief, especially in the early weeks.

“It is important to do what you want, feel what you want. Don’t let anyone tell you what you should do.”

“Question your thoughts and actions by asking, ‘Is this likely to help or harm me?’” Hone chose not to open all of the sympathy cards she received after Abi’s passing, saving some cards for a time when she might need the words of others to reconnect to the memories of Abi.

Re-establishing routines even in the most basic sense - exercising, walk the dog, chores, dinner - helps.

How to find your way through devastating loss, by Dr Lucy Hone, has been re-released in the US and UK.

“I wrote the book that I couldn’t find 10 years ago. I went into Scorpio Books [in Christchurch] and picked a book on grief, and it was the most depressing thing I had ever read, I literally threw it against the wall out of frustration.”

An updated version of Hone’s 2016 book was re-released this year in the US and UK market. Hone was in New York doing media interviews when her publisher called with the Oprah news.

Hone said there were similarities around the world with how people dealt with grief and wherever she travelled people would tell her her book saved them and made them realise they could live again.

Last month, Fox News Radio featured her on a segment called Searching for Heroes and Hone’s 2020 Ted Talk The Three secrets of resilient people had amassed 2.3 million views.

The Hone family marked the 10-year anniversary of Abi’s death in June, with a celebration shared with family and friends.

One of her two sons is on a surf trip in Nicaragua, but the other returned to Christchurch for the anniversary. It was important for Hone to have one of Abi’s siblings with her to mark the day.

“I don’t believe in the ‘stages of grief’. Ten years on, I am relearning to live without her. We talk about her all the time, I am wearing her bracelets today.”

“Without Abi, none of the experiences of the last 10 years would have happened. I never would have written the book, I never would have done the Ted Talk.

Hone is writing a book about non-death losses in life, but did not confirm a release date.