Jesse Mulligan: The five mistakes waiters make that annoy diners most
Last time, hospitality staff told us what bugs them about us. Now, diners are turning the tables.
A couple of weeks ago, we shared a list of restaurant workers’ biggest complaints about customers.
It caused a good deal of discussion, particularly the revelation that they don’t enjoy you stacking the plates for them (by the way, flight attendants tell me they hate it as well).
Another complaint about Kiwi diners is that they give bad reviews online when they could just bring it up (and possibly get it fixed) while they’re still in the restaurant.
Shortly after the piece was published, I received this thoughtful email from Paul:
“My experience, on the few occasions I’ve raised an issue with a meal, is that staff don’t really want to hear it — or aren’t trained in what to do next. Sometimes they seem to take it personally, even when the complaint is made politely and quietly.
“Once, my steak arrived medium-well instead of medium-rare. The server reacted as though I’d made distasteful comments about her lineage. It didn’t ruin dinner, but a surly response doesn’t make for a pleasant one.”
Paul’s point was well made and, I thought, there must be other diners out there with something useful to add to the debate.
So this week, the shoe is on the other foot. I asked some regular restaurant-goers what sort of waiter behaviour gives them the ick (look, I’m trying). Here’s what they told me:
Offer us another drink
It can take long enough for the first drink to arrive, but sometimes you’re never offered a second. Why not? You tell us the restaurant business is tough then refuse to sell us wine at a 300% mark-up when we’re begging for it. Nothing kills the buzz like empty vessels; one of the waiter complaints was that they don’t like being waved down. Well, guess what, we don’t like it either. Make sure you’re there as we’re about to finish our last mouthful and we won’t have to.
Stop interrupting
Or, to put it another way, read the room. Via Juanita: “I’ve had some really rich and important conversations interrupted by hospo team members asking if we want more water, if the food is okay several times and if we need anything else. Sometimes a meal out with a friend is a long time coming and it’s frustrating to be interrupted for not-so-critical reasons.”
It’s tough sometimes, being a waiter. Particularly when one of our other biggest complaints is:
Don’t keep opening new bottles of sparkling water
You don’t keep topping up my beer without asking so why do you do it with my bottled water which, let’s be honest, sometimes costs almost as much. If I was being generous I’d say that this is a case of a thoughtful waiter not wanting to interrupt unnecessarily (see above) but but from the customer side it can look suspiciously like one twist of the wrist becoming a ten dollar bill. Also, what’s with not listing the price of bottled water on the menu?
Don’t be too familiar
“What are we in the mood for, ladies?” - to be honest I’m very comfortable being called whatever a waiter wants to call me (I quite like being thought of as one of the “lads”). But some people are more sensitive; they don’t like a member of the staff deciding how they will be categorised, particularly when it seems to imply or highlight an age differential. “Do not call me ‘dear’ or ‘love,’” Hilary says. “I am not in a rest home yet.”
Stop explaining what shared plates are
“For the love of God, we get it,” Jo says. Again, I’m a little more forgiving here - usually I’m just grateful a waiter is invested enough in their job to give you the spiel. But Jo’s not the only one who got in touch about this. Matt agrees with her, and has a particular aversion to restaurants that act like they invented the concept: “Stop telling me ‘we do things a little differently here’ when ‘different’ for the last 15 years just means shared plates.”
Don’t clear away too early
Like, when some people are still eating. What’s the hurry? Aren’t you getting paid by the hour? This, as with so many of these complaints, comes down to reading your audience and choosing your moment. We don’t want you to leave our dirty plates there forever, like it’s a crime scene and the forensic team is still on its way. But let us take a breath - we have paid good money to be here; don’t make us feel like you can’t wait to get rid of us (even/especially if that’s true).
What did I miss? Try not to think of this as a vent - think of it as a peace process. Restaurants need us, and we need them. Mostly we get along great, but even the best relationships can sometimes benefit from a little marriage counselling.
Previously recommended by Jesse Mulligan
What you’ve asked, and what he’s shared.
I asked hospo staff what annoys them most about customers. Here are their top five complaints. Are you guilty of these mistakes when you visit restaurants, bars and cafes?
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