My sister's death: 'The majority of road deaths are preventable'

Thursday, 5 April 2018

'The policeman took his hat off. He didn't need to say anything.'

So far this year 109 people have died on New Zealand's roads. Last year there were 380 deaths. On average, more than one person per day dies in a fatal crash in this country. Often these figures appear abstract, but the pain is as real as it is heartbreaking. Stuff talks to those who have experienced this pain first-hand.

It was a Saturday about 20 years ago and yet it is still as fresh in my mind today as it was back then. My sister had turned 17 only weeks before.

She had gone to a party at a rural property late that afternoon. Her boyfriend had picked her up - later, we found out the car had no warrant of fitness or rego, and had been 'self-modified' with springs cut so the car was as low as possible. I guess that's the sort of thing you do as a teenager … with zero thought about actual handling of course, just lowered for 'cool' status.

I had seen her earlier that morning. She was wanting me to drive her down the road because she was dressing up as a clown to do some fundraising near the local supermarket. I had become angry with her for leaving it until the last minute, so my girlfriend offered to take her down the road instead. That was the last time I saw her.

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I still kick myself for not being a more patient big brother and helping her out. Her boyfriend picked her up later on that day and they drove out to the party.

I was flatting upstairs at my parents' place, and we had friends over for dinner and a few drinks as my parents were out at a party at their friends' place. Later that evening came a knock on the front door.

I went downstairs to answer it and two policemen stood at the doorway asking if this was the residence of my sister.

I laughed slightly, knowing her naughty, but carefree, nature, and asked: 'What has she done this time?'

And then the policeman took his hat off. He didn't need to say anything, I dropped to the floor as he started to speak.

I was dumbstruck, in total disbelief. Everything felt surreal as he stated she had passed away that night in a car accident.

'Patience, respect and awareness of others on the road will go a long way to helping reduce our road toll.'

My next thoughts were of my parents. I phoned them, struggling to get the words out, and they hurried home along with some of their friends.

After my parents arrived home they were told and my father broke down. I had never seen him cry before.

My girlfriend tried to comfort me, but I felt sick in the pit of my stomach. I felt angry, I wanted answers. The range of emotions was so overwhelming I didn't know what to think. My mother stayed strong throughout the whole incident, although I know she grieved in her own time, as all our family did.

As I was driving up the road a couple of days later I saw the car she was in towed by a tow truck. I guess they were going to a scrap metal yard. That visual memory has stayed with me to this day. Based on the state of the vehicle there was absolutely no way that the accident was not the result of excessive speed.

Her boyfriend had lost control on a corner, crossed the median strip sideways and the car was T-boned by a motorbike. The rider of the bike and his passenger were exceptionally lucky - injured, but alive.

Of course, as these things in life tend to go, her boyfriend got off with hardly a scratch. I have no doubt her boyfriend was grieving as well - it's not like you expect these things to happen.

The feeling of invincibility is perhaps stronger as a teenager than any other stage in your life. If I had not seen the car, I would have probably have forgiven him, thinking it was an accident – because accidents do happen. But based on the car, the lack of warrant, the cut springs, and (no doubt in my mind) the excessive speed, he will never get that forgiveness.

The proceeding court case was an absolute joke, the police even apologised later at how poorly it had been handled. He got off scot-free … although, regardless of the outcome, I know it doesn't change a thing.

But then again, to hear that a few years after my sister's death, that her boyfriend was a passenger in another car where one of the other occupants was killed, made me wonder: was it just a stroke of bad luck, causing yet another accident?

Or was it just the circles he hung around in, and no-one learnt a lesson?

It took me a good 10 years before I accepted her death - although I still shed a tear now as I write this now.

The media articles about the road toll, primarily over long weekends, where I statistics are kept year-on-year to assess how safe our roads really are - still stagger me.

I can only think of those poor families and the range of emotions they must be going through to lose their loved ones, just as I did all those years ago.

I understand there are accidents caused by speed. There are accidents caused by carelessness. There are accidents caused by impatience. There are also accidents caused by slow drivers, inconsiderate drivers, or even accidents where no-one is really to blame – such as tyre blowouts, black ice or animals running out on the road.

But based on what I read in the media, it seems the majority of road deaths are preventable, as they boil down to a decision made by one or more drivers – often within a split second. That split second decision can mean the difference between life and death.

Regardless of how my sister passed away, I personally think patience, respect and awareness of others on the road will go a long way to helping reduce our road toll.

- As told to Megan Gattey.

If you would like to share your story, email megan.gattey@stuff.co.nz or tell us your story here.